Saturday, October 25, 2014

PARENTING: KEEPING CHILDREN INNOCENT UNTIL THEY CAN HANDLE MATURE RELATIONSHIPS

THE FOLLOWING IS WRITTEN IN RESPONSE TO THE YOUNG MAN IN WASHINGTON STATE WHO KILLED OTHERS AND HIMSELF AFTER GOING THROUGH A BREAK UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND.

We are trying to keep our children innocent; we aren't trying to encourage them get involved in heavy boy/girl relationships before they are of age.

If you have a little boy or girl, do this (and make it age appropriate). Sit down tonight and talk about their future. Tell them about marriage, about college, about the high school years, getting a job, saving money, and buying a first car for getting around. Talk to them about the difficult teen years when in their time of puberty and real physical, emotional, and spiritual development, the world will tug at them. Say to them it will be the world tugging them away from their family and away from God. Remind them it will happen and to not let it happen. Also let them know that you won't let it happen.

At this point, there are wise parents who understand very well the wisdom I am speaking of that makes the parents and the home a fortress and rock against the world forces that would steal the very soul of a child. But less than serious parents, or parents who just don't have the gift or talent to train children, will only see my preceding words as "controlling" and unrealistic because, "Don't we want our children to grow up and don't they have to experience these things on their own?" Yes, we want them to grow, but our job is to help them grow in the right direction and no we must be there to make sure our children don't "experience" some things. It's much better than they made it to adulthood and in a faithful walk with God, saying, "I am fortunate, my parents were there and made sure I didn't fall into the worldly things the way my peers did."

So talk your kids about how most kids today get off track and try to play house, sometimes doctor, when they are way to young for making a commitment. Say it's WRONG what they do because God wants us to do things in order.

Do parents of teens want to see their son find a girlfriend at age 12? Do they want their daughters having a "steady" boyfriend, spending more time with someone who doesn't share your family values, knowing in this day and age they are going to be having sexual relations long before they can commit to marriage? All the other kids at school may be passing notes, staying on the phone, texting, sexting!, and so many people think it's healthy and natural for their teen children to get involved in a heavy relationship, but is that God's will?

Let me tell you something: it's stupid and playing with fire.

Too much drama is being allowed into these children's lives. Parents who allow their children to get involved with a boyfriend or girlfriend, when they are years away from being able to handle a mature relationship, are going to have great sorrow.

I remember years ago watching 12 yr old kids getting very intimate. The two were inseparable. The parents encouraged it. It became sexual and they had a child. Then the relationship broke up. When the two were very young and when it was all beginning, it was clearly going to be a train wreck with a lot of casualties. But the parents acted like it was normal and facilitated the children being together.

When my kids were teens, I said, where do you think a relationship at this age is going to go? You have years to go before you can marry. You have high school You have college. A sixteen year old boy came to the house one time so he could ask us parents if he could see our daughter. We interviewed him for an hour and a half. We told him he could come to church and he could come to the house and get to know the family. Our daughter sat on the couch next to him through the interview and wasn't bothered at all. It was just the way it had to be. The boy made a big mistake. It turned out he didn't like our rules. He didn't have anything to do with my daughter the next day. And it was just the message my daughter needed to see that the boy was just the typical worldly boy. She wasn't broken up. She was better than that. And it all worked out just fine. She's happily married now and has four children. Her husband is a preacher.

Parents, be the thing your teen children are involved with. Get them into their school. Take control. If they try to make the rules, don't bend. They will thank you later. Let them make friends, healthy friendships that aren't so serious. There will be time later for the serious stuff when they are looking for a godly man or woman.

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